Well, here I am. In a position I never thought I would be in.
I am waiting to find out if my family is eligible for an apartment. There's no rush really... Our home is just going to be auctioned off in one month and three days. We just have to pack, get rid of a bunch of stuff, and decide where we are going to go! That's it. The end of our dreams for this house - our home. The end of watching my children play in the "Diamond Woods" for hours on end. Just a letter saying when to be out and basically that our mortgage company would like to help us, if only we made more money.
Lord, I am not questioning that you know what you are doing - I just wish I understood it a little better. Help me to know that you are in this. And guide us in where to go next.
We are trying to keep the girls in the same school district, but will only be able to do so if approved for the apartment. And honestly, even if we are approved, I am still not sure we could afford it. I am just scared. I don't know what to do. And I am afraid of what might happen next. I can see satan trying to take my focus off Jesus (when I have only begun to start hearing Him again). Little things - and big things - seem to be popping up all over the place. I just hope that God will show me the way out.
God's will scares me. I am always afraid of what He might use to mold me. I guess I need to remember that He has my best interest at heart, whereas satan just seeks to destroy me. The last couple of days I have been feeling the old depression demons dragging me down further and further. Lord, please pull me back up. I have been in this place before and I don't want to go back. Help me to focus on the things that I know come from You.
We will not be homeless.
We are all healthy.
My husband has a job (even though he made more on unemployment).
I have a great family.
I know that we will make it through this ok.
I know that God has a reason for all this and I hope that through this I can become closer to Him and my marriage will become stronger.
I pray that I can hold to these truths instead of satan's lies.
