So - I'm just going to lay it all out b/c I need to get it out! Today (and the last several days) have been extremely trying. Tempers have flared, tears have run, voices have shouted. You name it, it's happened here. Todd and I probably got into the worst fight we've ever had today. Seems like things just keep escalating and I don't have time to catch my breath before we are at it again. Now, true, I am am hormonal right now and could possibly be a tiny bit over sensitive, but things right now are just not good!!! I keep trying to stay positive and focus on the good things, but all the bad things seem to overtake my mind. I am just tired of trying to be okay with everything that's happening and I feel like I am about to snap. Oh no! I'll be one of those women on WE that everyone can totally sympathize with!
Seriously, I really am trying to see God's plan in all of this -really hard! But I just don't. It's like everytime I come to grips with a new season in my life everything drastically changes again. Imagine if you walked outside ready for the day in your shorts and tank top only to open the door to a snowstorm. The next day you don your snowsuit and walk outside to a sunny 80 degree day. This happens everyday and you never get it right. Should you happen to get ahead and wear the same thing planning for the opposite type weather, the weather would stay the same just to spite you. That is how I feel. Constantly behind, wrong, and compeletely taken by surprise. And I'll just say this : It sucks!
Living with my parents is weird. I kind of always feel like I am in the way or getting on someone's nerves - Erin, don't you dare tell mom I said that - And I know they can feel the tension between Todd and me. I just don't want to put our stress on someone else. I'm afraid that is exactly what we've done. And then, just to make me feel a little more awkward, dad tells me that our pastor (who is a wonderful man of God) asked him if we would want them to finish the old fellowship hall for us to live in. Very gracious and humbling, but a little embarassing too. I guess it's my pride that doesn't want to be the poor family in the church who lost 2 homes and does'nt even have gas $. That I can get over, though. It does feel good to know that our church family loves us that much.
I just wish I had an answer or some insight into what I should be learning from this and how I should handle things. Sounds like I just need God.
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